Wordless Wednesday – Letting go and making memories
Today’s Wordless Wednesday (topic: Gratefulness) is not wordless, but just hang in there with me. Today I am sharing a video Bub took last week. The boys hang out with my dad and mom most Thursday’s and last week they were working in the yard with Grandpa when I came to pick them up. Bub asked me if I had a few minutes and led me over to a pile of leaves he had been raking asking me to jump in them.
Now we have been really, really busy lately. The move and client work on top of normal life and homeschooling has been more than I felt I could handle at many points in the last 6 weeks. It has been push, push, push and no time to rest. I have been making a conscious effort the last week or so to take breaks from unpacking and chores to stop and play with the boys. It is hard when you are on the roll of constant movement to make yourself stop, breathe and have fun. This is why we Hatton’s are downsizing our home and our lifestyle, this is why we decided to cut down my work schedule to a more manageable part time, to be with the boys more and I am thrilled about it.
Bub wanted to use his new iPhone to take a video of my jump. He was so excited – Bub is about to be 14 next week and in general he is very laid back and calm, seeing him get so absolutely happy that I was willing to jump in his pile was awesome. I ran, I jumped, I squeeled….it was fun! Then as he showed me the video I fought back tears, I wanted to cry. All I could see was my belly at the beginning of the video and how big I have gotten. Those close to me know that I have struggled with my thyroid for about 5 years now on top of my gluten issues. I am happy I have lost all my baby weight, but now I am back to the 30lbs of thyroid weight I gained before the baby that doesn’t want to leave.
I sat there holding his phone and trying to “edit” the video just to take out the first 2 seconds where I could see my belly. Bub said “Mom, you look fine please let me have my phone back?” and then again “Mom, please I will just delete it and retake it ok?” – ouch. In that moment I felt so bad that my issues with my body and my weight were intruding on my child’s happy moment. I may not be ok with my body, but my kids and my husband truly love me and don’t see the extra weight that I do with my critical eye. I handed him back the phone and we took tons more videos even getting my dad and brother #2 to jump on video too.
I have not given up on my fight for a healthier body and I am still not content or at peace with my weight, but I will post the entire video today (its a total of about 6 seconds) anyway. I want my children to have amazing memories, I want them to look back and see how much I loved them and know I enjoyed every minute with them I could. If you live in South Texas go rake some leaves and make some memories too! If you live north of here